Bloomsbury Coffee House
12oz Soy Mocha w/whip
Zucchini Bread
The best comedy tells the truth. And because of that, comedy often traffics in uncomfortable taboo topics. Racism, sexism, war and violence... the bread and butter of many comedians. You don't have to use "blue humor" to be a master comedian - think Bill Cosby. But it is often the blunt, crass, shocking comedians who add the most value to our society by their ability to reveal truths about ourselves that have gone unacknowledged. Think George Carlin, Bill Hicks, Richard Pryor. However, that doesn't give comedians license to be shocking and vulgar and claim some noble cause, that they're just telling it like it is, holding up a mirror to society.
My husband and I have very different taste in humor. He is much more fond of the Jackass movies, pranks, and the modern-day Comedy Central roasts. These are often unwatchable for me. But we do agree on many things in principle. He is adamantly anti-censorship, and insists that no subject is taboo as long as the joke is funny. And I am basically in agreement, but I have to add one caveat, one challenge to the performer: Maybe the subject isn't "off the table," but should the joke be told?
It would probably surprise people to know that all those stereotypes about Jewish people which appear regularly in comedy routines - I didn't know any of them till I was in high school or college. I learned them from comedians. And even though I don't believe in racism - in that I don't think there is any behavior that is intrinsic to one group of people or other - those thoughts are there now, whether I want them to be or not. They pop up like a reflexive twitch of the knee when it is struck by the comedian's hammer, and every time I have to make the effort to correct the thought, lower my foot to the floor again.
Racism, sexism, any kind of prejudice, can only survive through its repetition. It has to be branded into your thinking, like any marketing campaign.
So, for a comedian trying to find their voice, make their name, they need to ask themselves also, "Is the joke worth telling?" You can come up with some clever turn of phrase, some situational joke that will have a good punch, but does the joke reveal? Does it enlighten? Will it bring us to a better place by challenging our previously-held perceptions? Or will it reinforce the old worn-out prejudices? Where does the humor of the joke come from? If you're telling a joke about something horrible happening to someone, does the humor come from exposing the horribleness of the perpetrators, or of society's reaction to the event? Or does the humor exploit the victim? Will the joke strengthen the weak or the strong?
At the end of the day, I'm not a comedian, and I'm not for censorship, so this is not directly my dilemma. But I do not have to partake in that kind of humor, and I feel a responsibility to call it out when I see it, because, so often, those who are telling the joke do not see it.
Then, it's our turn to hold up the mirror.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Friday, August 23, 2013
The Broken Things
Downtown Grounds
12oz soy ...somethin' fancy, I forget the name, but it's got Mayan chocolate and orange zest or something
Peanut butter cookie
The Broken Things
There's duct tape
and glue
and chips off
laminated edges;
but there's no real fix
for the broken things.
There's cigarettes
and pills
and pillars of
empty bottles;
but there's no real fix
for the broken things.
There's spare rooms
and backseats
and other people's
couches;
but there's no real fix
for the broken things.
There's second jobs
and food stamps
and maxed out
interest rates;
but there's no real fix
for the broken things.
There's pundits
there's lies -
I'm of no one's
special interest;
and we'll never get fixed
by the broken things.
We'll never be fixed
by the broken things.
-- 8/10/13
So, I went to the college to work out some paperwork crap, and they were closed. Unfortunately, Greg dropped me off in front and left with the boys before I could signal to him that the doors were locked. And... guess who's got a home-row and left their phone at home today? This gal! So, that's why I'm doing my blog today and just mailin' it in this week.
Also, I uploaded a video to YouTube. Did I mention I have a YouTube account? I was originally going to do a video blog, so I started a channel called "RamenistaClass." Unfortunately, I couldn't blog from home because I didn't have a camera with decent audio at the time, and there was too much baby interference. So I had to resort to getting myself ye old-fashioned bloggity-blog. Anyway, this video was prompted by a call from the show "All In" with Chris Hayes on MSNBC. They wanted stories about life on minimum wage, so I tried to summarize what I had written about in the "Hard Choices" blog. Check it out, if you like. And send in your own story while you're at it. That is all.
12oz soy ...somethin' fancy, I forget the name, but it's got Mayan chocolate and orange zest or something
Peanut butter cookie
The Broken Things
There's duct tape
and glue
and chips off
laminated edges;
but there's no real fix
for the broken things.
There's cigarettes
and pills
and pillars of
empty bottles;
but there's no real fix
for the broken things.
There's spare rooms
and backseats
and other people's
couches;
but there's no real fix
for the broken things.
There's second jobs
and food stamps
and maxed out
interest rates;
but there's no real fix
for the broken things.
There's pundits
there's lies -
I'm of no one's
special interest;
and we'll never get fixed
by the broken things.
We'll never be fixed
by the broken things.
-- 8/10/13
So, I went to the college to work out some paperwork crap, and they were closed. Unfortunately, Greg dropped me off in front and left with the boys before I could signal to him that the doors were locked. And... guess who's got a home-row and left their phone at home today? This gal! So, that's why I'm doing my blog today and just mailin' it in this week.
Also, I uploaded a video to YouTube. Did I mention I have a YouTube account? I was originally going to do a video blog, so I started a channel called "RamenistaClass." Unfortunately, I couldn't blog from home because I didn't have a camera with decent audio at the time, and there was too much baby interference. So I had to resort to getting myself ye old-fashioned bloggity-blog. Anyway, this video was prompted by a call from the show "All In" with Chris Hayes on MSNBC. They wanted stories about life on minimum wage, so I tried to summarize what I had written about in the "Hard Choices" blog. Check it out, if you like. And send in your own story while you're at it. That is all.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
The first rule of Consent Club...
Mix Sweet Shop
8oz Soy Mocha
(Huge!) Croissant
Trigger Warning.
Have you seen that phrase popping up more and more? I have. I think it's a great thing, but it's such a tragic thing, too. It's a sad commentary about the presence and pervasiveness of today's topic. If you are sensitive to this topic - and if you are then you know the topic to which I am referring - you may want to go look at pictures of kitties opening doors and peeing in toilets and then (most importantly) flushing. Or pour yourself a shot and soldier on... This is your trigger warning.
Someone posted this article to me about Yale's response to an investigation into on-campus rapes. They retermed it "Nonconsensual Sex" and "disciplined" the offenders with probation or suspension. Not even expulsion - suspension. That's it. My comment when I reposted the article onto my Wall was:
To be clear... there is no such thing as "Nonconsensual Sex" because Sex is something you do WITH someone not TO someone. You can call it "Nonconsensual Penetration," because if I were to, say, take a pencil and Penetrate the eye socket of one of these college administrators they would in no way confuse that with making sweet, sweet love with a Number 2.
I have been seeing more and more conversations about rape and rape culture. My first reaction to the term was that it probably went a little too far, because no one is really for rape. Right? Then I read more and more and, once my eyes were opened to it, I realized it is everywhere. These are a couple of articles I reposted recently about what rape culture is and about the objectification of women beyond just the obvious over-sexed advertisements. To sum up, objectification is more about the way that men are overwhelmingly the subject of the story, the action, and women are the mostly passive object of the story or action. Even strong female characters tend to be somebody's love interest/trophy/partner on the job, etc.
And rape culture? The best explanation of rape culture that I've heard is that is the normalization of rape to the point the people don't recognize it as rape. Perhaps the most disturbing aspect of the Steubenville rape case, beyond the rapes, was the audience. Numerous witnesses said they didn't stop or report the incident because they didn't think it was rape. An unconscious person - a kid - being dragged from party to party and repeatedly penetrated by multiple people... not rape? Apparently, these guys thought this was some kind of a party prank. Like drawing a penis on someone's face is on the same level as forcing one inside them without their consent.
There are too many examples of horrible things. Too many statistics that will break your heart. I've heard different figures but most often I hear these: 1 in 4 women will be raped in her lifetime... 1 in 6 men... and most victims before they reach the age of 18. So about 1 in 5 Americans overall. The figure that hit me hardest, though, was among black women: 3 out of 5 will be raped in their lifetime. Sixty percent. That's "most."
Three-fifths of black women treated like they're not quite human.
I don't know the numbers among black men, but that number - three-fifths - that alone is enough call for black men to be at the vanguard of the feminist movement.
My hope is that we are finally beginning to wake up to this silent epidemic. We clearly need to do some educating and re-educating across the population. Apparently, we need to teach people things like, the legal definition of "rape" (despite some politicians' efforts to distinguish between "legitimate" and, what?, "not legitimate" rape) is any penetration of any orifice by any object, animate or inanimate. We need PSAs. We need Consent Education as a fundamental part of Sex Education. We need to cultivate a culture of respect for every person's right to their own body.
Even the guy(s) who grabbed my ass in the lunch line in junior high was(/were) guilty of sexual assault. And in hindsight (no pun intended), I should have just picked one of the guys standing behind me and punched him, because if he wasn't the guy who did it - twice - he was the one who allowed it. And even those seemingly harmless drunk pranks, like dragging someone into some other position/place or drawing a penis on their face when they're passed out, is a form of assault. I have a right to my body under any circumstance, but especially when I am most vulnerable.
We need a culture that collectively shames those who would violate others, not a society that protects them from consequence and even cheers them on. We need a culture of consent, not the conflation of rape with seduction or conquest. We need a culture that treats the non-consensual publication of pictures of nip slips or other nudity as a form of rape. It doesn't matter if it was during a consensual act or if the person is a natural exhibitionist. That does not imply that they consent to the perpetual exhibition of their body via whatever kind of visual recording. Publications that exhibit non-censensual nudity should not be fined - people should go to jail.
In short, we need to bust some memes, people.
So, for the sake of those who need a little clarification, here are the rules for the Culture - the Club, if you will - of Consensual Sex...
1. The first rule of Consent Club is... if it's not consensual, it's not sex.
2. The second rule of Consent Club is... if it's not consensual, IT'S NOT SEX.
3. If your partner tells you to stop, taps out, or loses consciousness, the sex is over.
4. Only approved participants can participate, no matter the number of previous partners.
5. Consent is valid only for the time it is enthusiastically being given, and does not entitle you to Consent at any other time (nor the replaying of recordings of the Consensual Act).
6. No style, length, or lack of clothing implies Consent.
7. Sex goes on as long as ALL parties want it to, and not a stroke longer.
8. You do not HAVE TO have sex with anyone, ever.
Maybe it's not as snappy as Fight Club's list, but it get's the point across... Even if you're two strokes from glory and she really is "just being a bitch" - you're done. No excuses, twisted logic, or justifications... Only Consent equals Consent. End of story.
8oz Soy Mocha
(Huge!) Croissant
Trigger Warning.
Have you seen that phrase popping up more and more? I have. I think it's a great thing, but it's such a tragic thing, too. It's a sad commentary about the presence and pervasiveness of today's topic. If you are sensitive to this topic - and if you are then you know the topic to which I am referring - you may want to go look at pictures of kitties opening doors and peeing in toilets and then (most importantly) flushing. Or pour yourself a shot and soldier on... This is your trigger warning.
Someone posted this article to me about Yale's response to an investigation into on-campus rapes. They retermed it "Nonconsensual Sex" and "disciplined" the offenders with probation or suspension. Not even expulsion - suspension. That's it. My comment when I reposted the article onto my Wall was:
To be clear... there is no such thing as "Nonconsensual Sex" because Sex is something you do WITH someone not TO someone. You can call it "Nonconsensual Penetration," because if I were to, say, take a pencil and Penetrate the eye socket of one of these college administrators they would in no way confuse that with making sweet, sweet love with a Number 2.
I have been seeing more and more conversations about rape and rape culture. My first reaction to the term was that it probably went a little too far, because no one is really for rape. Right? Then I read more and more and, once my eyes were opened to it, I realized it is everywhere. These are a couple of articles I reposted recently about what rape culture is and about the objectification of women beyond just the obvious over-sexed advertisements. To sum up, objectification is more about the way that men are overwhelmingly the subject of the story, the action, and women are the mostly passive object of the story or action. Even strong female characters tend to be somebody's love interest/trophy/partner on the job, etc.
And rape culture? The best explanation of rape culture that I've heard is that is the normalization of rape to the point the people don't recognize it as rape. Perhaps the most disturbing aspect of the Steubenville rape case, beyond the rapes, was the audience. Numerous witnesses said they didn't stop or report the incident because they didn't think it was rape. An unconscious person - a kid - being dragged from party to party and repeatedly penetrated by multiple people... not rape? Apparently, these guys thought this was some kind of a party prank. Like drawing a penis on someone's face is on the same level as forcing one inside them without their consent.
There are too many examples of horrible things. Too many statistics that will break your heart. I've heard different figures but most often I hear these: 1 in 4 women will be raped in her lifetime... 1 in 6 men... and most victims before they reach the age of 18. So about 1 in 5 Americans overall. The figure that hit me hardest, though, was among black women: 3 out of 5 will be raped in their lifetime. Sixty percent. That's "most."
Three-fifths of black women treated like they're not quite human.
I don't know the numbers among black men, but that number - three-fifths - that alone is enough call for black men to be at the vanguard of the feminist movement.
My hope is that we are finally beginning to wake up to this silent epidemic. We clearly need to do some educating and re-educating across the population. Apparently, we need to teach people things like, the legal definition of "rape" (despite some politicians' efforts to distinguish between "legitimate" and, what?, "not legitimate" rape) is any penetration of any orifice by any object, animate or inanimate. We need PSAs. We need Consent Education as a fundamental part of Sex Education. We need to cultivate a culture of respect for every person's right to their own body.
Even the guy(s) who grabbed my ass in the lunch line in junior high was(/were) guilty of sexual assault. And in hindsight (no pun intended), I should have just picked one of the guys standing behind me and punched him, because if he wasn't the guy who did it - twice - he was the one who allowed it. And even those seemingly harmless drunk pranks, like dragging someone into some other position/place or drawing a penis on their face when they're passed out, is a form of assault. I have a right to my body under any circumstance, but especially when I am most vulnerable.
We need a culture that collectively shames those who would violate others, not a society that protects them from consequence and even cheers them on. We need a culture of consent, not the conflation of rape with seduction or conquest. We need a culture that treats the non-consensual publication of pictures of nip slips or other nudity as a form of rape. It doesn't matter if it was during a consensual act or if the person is a natural exhibitionist. That does not imply that they consent to the perpetual exhibition of their body via whatever kind of visual recording. Publications that exhibit non-censensual nudity should not be fined - people should go to jail.
In short, we need to bust some memes, people.
So, for the sake of those who need a little clarification, here are the rules for the Culture - the Club, if you will - of Consensual Sex...
1. The first rule of Consent Club is... if it's not consensual, it's not sex.
2. The second rule of Consent Club is... if it's not consensual, IT'S NOT SEX.
3. If your partner tells you to stop, taps out, or loses consciousness, the sex is over.
4. Only approved participants can participate, no matter the number of previous partners.
5. Consent is valid only for the time it is enthusiastically being given, and does not entitle you to Consent at any other time (nor the replaying of recordings of the Consensual Act).
6. No style, length, or lack of clothing implies Consent.
7. Sex goes on as long as ALL parties want it to, and not a stroke longer.
8. You do not HAVE TO have sex with anyone, ever.
Maybe it's not as snappy as Fight Club's list, but it get's the point across... Even if you're two strokes from glory and she really is "just being a bitch" - you're done. No excuses, twisted logic, or justifications... Only Consent equals Consent. End of story.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Do it anyway.
Cafe 116
Soy Mocha
This last week, I did something I hadn't done in a long time. I had a pint with some old friends. I hardly drank before having kids, and almost never went to any kind of bar when I did, so post-babies has been especially dry. But my littlest has officially been weaned, and some friends were in town that I haven't seen in many years, so a pint of cherry cider at the new local "tavern" was definitely called for.
Ohmygod,itwassomuchfun,godI'vemissedthat.
That's about how I felt at the end of the night. I miss being around a group of intelligent, creative, fun people. It reminded me how much I used to laugh with other grown-ups, and it reminded me of a time when ridiculous ideas about what I could do were not only possible, but were downright inevitable.
As a former bookseller, I have witnessed a lot of book death. A new title would come into my section, and I would try to feature it on an endcap, or face it out. Maybe we'd sell one copy. Within a month or two, as new titles came in, I would have to turn the book spine-out and put the extra copies in the overstock shelves. By six months, those extra copies would be on my pull list, leaving that single copy to vie for attention amongst the multitude of other single spines on the shelf, shifting side to side to make room as other new titles came in. After 12 to 18 months or so, that single copy would show up on my pull list, relegated to the books in print database, to be ordered on request only. For the next few years, anyway, till the publisher decided it would not be worth it to keep it around.
This did not mean these were not good books. Far inferior fare would spend a few glorious weeks - even several weeks - on the best seller displays in the front of the store. It all came down to attention. If a book was mentioned on Oprah, on NPR, in passing reference to someone in the news, it automatically got a "bump," and would spend at least a week and a half on the best seller list. That was about how long it took to find out if the book was all hype or worth telling your friends about it. If it was worth passing along, it would spend about a month or more on the best seller lists, depending on the nature and readability of the title. I have seen so many good books die, it's enough to make an aspiring writer give up and never again put pen to paper... or tappity-tap to keyboard.
So what do you do? You do it anyway. As Ben Fold's Five would say... (and if you haven't seen that video, oh my god, go to youtube right now and watch it - I'll wait). And that's what my old friends demanded of me this last weekend - where's the book, damn it?
It makes no sense to try. It is completely futile and absurd. It is impossible to get a manuscript read, to get it believed in, to get it produced, to get it promoted, to get it seen - but you do it anyway. That's what I have been informed I am supposed to do. And I guess I am going to. I have talked about book ideas or script ideas off and on for years - I've written 30 whole pages of a screenplay - but I have never seen it through. There is always some excuse or other to give up on it. Mostly, interference from the practical day-to-day stuff, from sensibility or self-doubt. And these blogs may get preempted in the attempt to produce some kind of publishable work, but I'm going to try it again anyway.
Damn it.
I not so much optimistic as resigned. It's kind of like having faith even when you don't have hope. I have no reason to expect any sort of success, but I'm at the point that I just kind of have to do it now. You know what I mean?
Soy Mocha
This last week, I did something I hadn't done in a long time. I had a pint with some old friends. I hardly drank before having kids, and almost never went to any kind of bar when I did, so post-babies has been especially dry. But my littlest has officially been weaned, and some friends were in town that I haven't seen in many years, so a pint of cherry cider at the new local "tavern" was definitely called for.
Ohmygod,itwassomuchfun,godI'vemissedthat.
That's about how I felt at the end of the night. I miss being around a group of intelligent, creative, fun people. It reminded me how much I used to laugh with other grown-ups, and it reminded me of a time when ridiculous ideas about what I could do were not only possible, but were downright inevitable.
As a former bookseller, I have witnessed a lot of book death. A new title would come into my section, and I would try to feature it on an endcap, or face it out. Maybe we'd sell one copy. Within a month or two, as new titles came in, I would have to turn the book spine-out and put the extra copies in the overstock shelves. By six months, those extra copies would be on my pull list, leaving that single copy to vie for attention amongst the multitude of other single spines on the shelf, shifting side to side to make room as other new titles came in. After 12 to 18 months or so, that single copy would show up on my pull list, relegated to the books in print database, to be ordered on request only. For the next few years, anyway, till the publisher decided it would not be worth it to keep it around.
This did not mean these were not good books. Far inferior fare would spend a few glorious weeks - even several weeks - on the best seller displays in the front of the store. It all came down to attention. If a book was mentioned on Oprah, on NPR, in passing reference to someone in the news, it automatically got a "bump," and would spend at least a week and a half on the best seller list. That was about how long it took to find out if the book was all hype or worth telling your friends about it. If it was worth passing along, it would spend about a month or more on the best seller lists, depending on the nature and readability of the title. I have seen so many good books die, it's enough to make an aspiring writer give up and never again put pen to paper... or tappity-tap to keyboard.
So what do you do? You do it anyway. As Ben Fold's Five would say... (and if you haven't seen that video, oh my god, go to youtube right now and watch it - I'll wait). And that's what my old friends demanded of me this last weekend - where's the book, damn it?
It makes no sense to try. It is completely futile and absurd. It is impossible to get a manuscript read, to get it believed in, to get it produced, to get it promoted, to get it seen - but you do it anyway. That's what I have been informed I am supposed to do. And I guess I am going to. I have talked about book ideas or script ideas off and on for years - I've written 30 whole pages of a screenplay - but I have never seen it through. There is always some excuse or other to give up on it. Mostly, interference from the practical day-to-day stuff, from sensibility or self-doubt. And these blogs may get preempted in the attempt to produce some kind of publishable work, but I'm going to try it again anyway.
Damn it.
I not so much optimistic as resigned. It's kind of like having faith even when you don't have hope. I have no reason to expect any sort of success, but I'm at the point that I just kind of have to do it now. You know what I mean?
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Knowing
Bloomsbury Coffee House
12oz Coffee
12oz Chocolate Milk (shared)
I'm on a date with my first-born, so this should be short.
When I was pregnant with the darling child across from me, I got a call from my brother informing me that I was having a girl. He said he had a feeling - he just knew it was a girl. Don't bother coming up with boy names 'cause it's definitely going to be a girl. I had had a feeling, too. I had a flash of insight at the moment of conception knowing that I had conceived and knowing that it was going to be a boy. A split second later the certainty was disregarded and I had no feeling whatsoever which way it was going to go.
As the ultrasound later confirmed, I was right on both counts.
But did I really know? My brother knew and he knew wrong. Did I have the truer knowing because it was my own body, my own child? Or was it just a statistical certainty (hermaphroditic offspring aside) that one of us was going to be right?
I believe in intuition, especially the spontaneous and inexplicable kind. I often use the example of driving home from work one night and having a split-second urgent impulse to take the first exit home instead of the closer second exit. It was so sudden and illogical that I didn't take the exit. A moment later, as I wondered what in the world that was all about, I rounded the bend of the freeway and had to slam on my brakes to avoid the stopped traffic in front of me. It took me another half hour to go the one mile to my exit and get home.
So it does seem to me that something is at work. What? I don't know. It could be that we're connecting to some collective unconsciousness, or to some meta-field of energy permeating the Universe, and we can for a moment follow the threads of future events. Or perhaps we're just processing information we don't even know we've received, and it bursts to the surface in a way that we don't perceive the connections. As I said, I don't know. But even if it's there, it seems highly unreliable, especially if it's someone else's certainty.
And who's to say that future events don't change after we've had some intuitive message about them?
All I know is that I have learned better than to disregard a gut feeling - especially when it makes no sense. I've also learned not to read too specifically into a feeling. If it's not obvious, don't push it, because it's probably something other than you expect. Perhaps someday my darling son Henry will become my "fabulous" son Henry, and his uncle will have been kind of right, after all.
Who knows?
12oz Coffee
12oz Chocolate Milk (shared)
I'm on a date with my first-born, so this should be short.
When I was pregnant with the darling child across from me, I got a call from my brother informing me that I was having a girl. He said he had a feeling - he just knew it was a girl. Don't bother coming up with boy names 'cause it's definitely going to be a girl. I had had a feeling, too. I had a flash of insight at the moment of conception knowing that I had conceived and knowing that it was going to be a boy. A split second later the certainty was disregarded and I had no feeling whatsoever which way it was going to go.
As the ultrasound later confirmed, I was right on both counts.
But did I really know? My brother knew and he knew wrong. Did I have the truer knowing because it was my own body, my own child? Or was it just a statistical certainty (hermaphroditic offspring aside) that one of us was going to be right?
I believe in intuition, especially the spontaneous and inexplicable kind. I often use the example of driving home from work one night and having a split-second urgent impulse to take the first exit home instead of the closer second exit. It was so sudden and illogical that I didn't take the exit. A moment later, as I wondered what in the world that was all about, I rounded the bend of the freeway and had to slam on my brakes to avoid the stopped traffic in front of me. It took me another half hour to go the one mile to my exit and get home.
So it does seem to me that something is at work. What? I don't know. It could be that we're connecting to some collective unconsciousness, or to some meta-field of energy permeating the Universe, and we can for a moment follow the threads of future events. Or perhaps we're just processing information we don't even know we've received, and it bursts to the surface in a way that we don't perceive the connections. As I said, I don't know. But even if it's there, it seems highly unreliable, especially if it's someone else's certainty.
And who's to say that future events don't change after we've had some intuitive message about them?
All I know is that I have learned better than to disregard a gut feeling - especially when it makes no sense. I've also learned not to read too specifically into a feeling. If it's not obvious, don't push it, because it's probably something other than you expect. Perhaps someday my darling son Henry will become my "fabulous" son Henry, and his uncle will have been kind of right, after all.
Who knows?
Friday, July 26, 2013
We hold these lies to be self-evident...
Rogue Valley Roasting Company
16oz Soy Mexican Hot Chocolate (yeah, it's 100 degrees outside and I wanted a hot damn chocolate... that's why I ordered the "caliente" hot chocolate...)
Almond Croissant
So you think you're not a racist... Are you sure?
You feel no animosity, no resentment - you wish no one ill. But there are differences, aren't there? That's just a fact. Oh, it's not all of them... but, yeah, definitely most of them are just that way. Statistics show that they're just different in certain ways, they act certain ways that you don't, they're more likely to do things and end up in places that you never would. And that's because of who they are and who you're not. Right? The numbers show that, don't they?
In fact, they do not. There is no number anywhere that says that race makes us fundamentally different. You hear a lot of bullshitting with statistics, but it is just that - bullshit. When you do your due diligence and examine these numbers being sited, they tell us nothing fundamental about race, only society's relationship to it. Often times the numbers being sited don't exist (except on "Bullshit Mountain" and thank you Jon Stewart for that wonderful term). On a genetic level, things are even less distinct. Skin color is about as determinative of behavior as eye color.
And if you're one of those people who believe that we are instinctively racist, here is what science says about racial diversity...
I was watching an episode of 60 Minutes that discussed a study on the behavior of very young babies and children. The upshot was that some behaviors, like identifying others as like or unlike themselves and preferring those like themselves, show up extremely early, as young as 3 months. It also showed how arbitrary was the criteria for making those distinctions. The babies related to puppets who liked the same snack as them. So they accepted as members of their baby tribe... puppets. Graham cracker loving puppets. If a baby had been exposed to a baby of other another skin color that also liked graham crackers, wouldn't that baby then become a member of the cracker-loving baby tribe?
Just because babies have been shown to recognize differences in others doesn't make those differences meaningful, nor unchangeable. In fact, as the study continued to track behaviors as the ages progressed, they found that socially negative behaviors like greed changed as the kids got older, and behaviors like generosity and concern for others emerged. Perhaps behaviors that are useful for survival when you are a newborn, like being to identify the people most likely to know you and care about your safety, are meant to go away over time.
There was another study I remember learning about a while ago that showed that women were physiologically most attracted to the man most genetically different from themselves. (The women were given stinky undershirts to sniff to determine this). This is because the body knows that there is strength in diversity. The mind should know this, too, but societies seem to get stuck in that juvenile mindset where we want the comfort of the familiar when things scare us. The "Other" becomes the easiest scapegoat. It's primitive thinking - it holds us back. Human history is at its worst in those times of mass hatred of some group or other.
A while ago, the AP (I think) did a survey that found half of Americans were racist. When I looked at the questionnaire, however, it struck me the the questions themselves were presumptive of racism. What is your opinion of white people? Strongly or moderately negative, neutral, somewhat positive, very positive... However they worded it... They went through all the groups and also had stereotype statements that you either agreed or disagreed with. My problem is that I don't have an opinion about white people, neutral or otherwise. I don't have an opinion about people who's second toe is longer than their big toe, either. It's nonsensical to me. As nonsensical as saying most people with brown eyes are likely to like West Virginia's football team.
But I am not immune to the stereotypes. It's not that I believe them on a conscious level, but they get in there. The same way I can't help but know that 15 minutes could save you 15 percent, or that m&m's melt in your mouth and not in your hand. Which is also bullshit, on a hot day like this... Just because you know the bullshit mantras by rote, doesn't mean you have to believe them. Just because you have been advertised a beer, and you drank it and lo! it was indeed a beer, that doesn't mean that was in fact less filling or tasted great.
As I said before, statistical outcomes for "people of color" have nothing - NOTHING - to do with the inherent nature of the person but of society's relationship with people of color. Our society is still heavily racially biased and the suffering falls heaviest on those with the darkest skin. It is very sad, but currently true. That is what the statistics show.
There are innumerable examples available to show identical scenarios resulting in different outcomes when you change the color of the people involved. A darker person is more likely to be stopped for the same behavior, more likely to be arrested, ticketed, or convicted, for the same behavior. Among equally eligible candidates for a job, those with darker skin or more "ethnic" sounding names are less likely to receive even an interview, let alone the job. Trying to justify harsher treatment of certain ethnic groups because of all the negative consequences of this harsher treatment (as in, it's okay to have harsher sentencing for black people because, damn, look at all those black people in jail)... it's a classic case of cart before horse. Or just being an asshole.
Obviously, all this blog has been instigated by the tragedy of Trayvon Martin and the resulting commentaries on race. My feeling about the case, specifically, is this: I didn't follow every detail of the case, so I can't say how I would make a determination of those specific charges. But, there had to be some law that would have convicted George Zimmerman, even if it was a charge less than manslaughter. You may have the right to defend yourself, but you also have the responsibility to not kill someone. The magnitude of taking a life cannot be understated and cannot go unanswered. It cannot be acceptable to stalk someone, harass them, and provoke a physical confrontation, and then kill them because they were defending themself from you. That cannot be the acceptable precedent.
There is no excuse or justification sufficient for you to take the life of another unless you had no other choice. But Trayvon Martin, both before and after his death, was presumed to be a thug, a threat. That presumption - that's probably true of most of them, right? - that presumption lead Zimmerman to think he had no other choice. Or that Martin deserved it anyway, because if he wasn't a thug already, just give it time...
If you use race to make any kind of generalization about behavior - that's racism. It is not justified and it's not okay, no matter how many anecdotes you've heard to back up the bullshit. Don't believe this "culture of victimhood" bullshit, either. And don't get defensive because you don't like being called the bad guy. Be honest first. I still believe that most people don't want to be racists, and that is important. But you can't just deflect or justify the latent racism that may lurk inside your head. Your first challenge is examining what you really believe and why you believe it. Recognizing differences might be inherent but racism is not. It is a poison to humanity. It is an unfair burden placed on some, insidious or obvious, but it persists.
If you have not lived as the Other in a society, try to take a moment to imagine what it is to walk around every day of your life "guilty." Inferior... a target... and for no offense. Any woman should be able to relate. What woman hasn't felt like a target walking down the street in a short skirt... or a mu-mu, for that matter? But being a feminist and wanting to be treated like a human being not a piece of meat doesn't make someone a man-hater, any more than being against racism makes someone anti-white people.
It occurred to me recently that affirmative action is as much about providing opportunity as it is about reprogramming - or deprogramming - racism. As you are forced to live and work alongside those you once thought different, the bullshit is overwritten with the humanity of the person at your side. The everyday human stories fill in the spaces where nonsense used to dwell. And in time, if they are allowed to, the young see the new reality that should be and not this tragic world in which we now dwell. Sometimes, the old can see it too...
We can only hope.
16oz Soy Mexican Hot Chocolate (yeah, it's 100 degrees outside and I wanted a hot damn chocolate... that's why I ordered the "caliente" hot chocolate...)
Almond Croissant
So you think you're not a racist... Are you sure?
You feel no animosity, no resentment - you wish no one ill. But there are differences, aren't there? That's just a fact. Oh, it's not all of them... but, yeah, definitely most of them are just that way. Statistics show that they're just different in certain ways, they act certain ways that you don't, they're more likely to do things and end up in places that you never would. And that's because of who they are and who you're not. Right? The numbers show that, don't they?
In fact, they do not. There is no number anywhere that says that race makes us fundamentally different. You hear a lot of bullshitting with statistics, but it is just that - bullshit. When you do your due diligence and examine these numbers being sited, they tell us nothing fundamental about race, only society's relationship to it. Often times the numbers being sited don't exist (except on "Bullshit Mountain" and thank you Jon Stewart for that wonderful term). On a genetic level, things are even less distinct. Skin color is about as determinative of behavior as eye color.
And if you're one of those people who believe that we are instinctively racist, here is what science says about racial diversity...
I was watching an episode of 60 Minutes that discussed a study on the behavior of very young babies and children. The upshot was that some behaviors, like identifying others as like or unlike themselves and preferring those like themselves, show up extremely early, as young as 3 months. It also showed how arbitrary was the criteria for making those distinctions. The babies related to puppets who liked the same snack as them. So they accepted as members of their baby tribe... puppets. Graham cracker loving puppets. If a baby had been exposed to a baby of other another skin color that also liked graham crackers, wouldn't that baby then become a member of the cracker-loving baby tribe?
Just because babies have been shown to recognize differences in others doesn't make those differences meaningful, nor unchangeable. In fact, as the study continued to track behaviors as the ages progressed, they found that socially negative behaviors like greed changed as the kids got older, and behaviors like generosity and concern for others emerged. Perhaps behaviors that are useful for survival when you are a newborn, like being to identify the people most likely to know you and care about your safety, are meant to go away over time.
There was another study I remember learning about a while ago that showed that women were physiologically most attracted to the man most genetically different from themselves. (The women were given stinky undershirts to sniff to determine this). This is because the body knows that there is strength in diversity. The mind should know this, too, but societies seem to get stuck in that juvenile mindset where we want the comfort of the familiar when things scare us. The "Other" becomes the easiest scapegoat. It's primitive thinking - it holds us back. Human history is at its worst in those times of mass hatred of some group or other.
A while ago, the AP (I think) did a survey that found half of Americans were racist. When I looked at the questionnaire, however, it struck me the the questions themselves were presumptive of racism. What is your opinion of white people? Strongly or moderately negative, neutral, somewhat positive, very positive... However they worded it... They went through all the groups and also had stereotype statements that you either agreed or disagreed with. My problem is that I don't have an opinion about white people, neutral or otherwise. I don't have an opinion about people who's second toe is longer than their big toe, either. It's nonsensical to me. As nonsensical as saying most people with brown eyes are likely to like West Virginia's football team.
But I am not immune to the stereotypes. It's not that I believe them on a conscious level, but they get in there. The same way I can't help but know that 15 minutes could save you 15 percent, or that m&m's melt in your mouth and not in your hand. Which is also bullshit, on a hot day like this... Just because you know the bullshit mantras by rote, doesn't mean you have to believe them. Just because you have been advertised a beer, and you drank it and lo! it was indeed a beer, that doesn't mean that was in fact less filling or tasted great.
As I said before, statistical outcomes for "people of color" have nothing - NOTHING - to do with the inherent nature of the person but of society's relationship with people of color. Our society is still heavily racially biased and the suffering falls heaviest on those with the darkest skin. It is very sad, but currently true. That is what the statistics show.
There are innumerable examples available to show identical scenarios resulting in different outcomes when you change the color of the people involved. A darker person is more likely to be stopped for the same behavior, more likely to be arrested, ticketed, or convicted, for the same behavior. Among equally eligible candidates for a job, those with darker skin or more "ethnic" sounding names are less likely to receive even an interview, let alone the job. Trying to justify harsher treatment of certain ethnic groups because of all the negative consequences of this harsher treatment (as in, it's okay to have harsher sentencing for black people because, damn, look at all those black people in jail)... it's a classic case of cart before horse. Or just being an asshole.
Obviously, all this blog has been instigated by the tragedy of Trayvon Martin and the resulting commentaries on race. My feeling about the case, specifically, is this: I didn't follow every detail of the case, so I can't say how I would make a determination of those specific charges. But, there had to be some law that would have convicted George Zimmerman, even if it was a charge less than manslaughter. You may have the right to defend yourself, but you also have the responsibility to not kill someone. The magnitude of taking a life cannot be understated and cannot go unanswered. It cannot be acceptable to stalk someone, harass them, and provoke a physical confrontation, and then kill them because they were defending themself from you. That cannot be the acceptable precedent.
There is no excuse or justification sufficient for you to take the life of another unless you had no other choice. But Trayvon Martin, both before and after his death, was presumed to be a thug, a threat. That presumption - that's probably true of most of them, right? - that presumption lead Zimmerman to think he had no other choice. Or that Martin deserved it anyway, because if he wasn't a thug already, just give it time...
If you use race to make any kind of generalization about behavior - that's racism. It is not justified and it's not okay, no matter how many anecdotes you've heard to back up the bullshit. Don't believe this "culture of victimhood" bullshit, either. And don't get defensive because you don't like being called the bad guy. Be honest first. I still believe that most people don't want to be racists, and that is important. But you can't just deflect or justify the latent racism that may lurk inside your head. Your first challenge is examining what you really believe and why you believe it. Recognizing differences might be inherent but racism is not. It is a poison to humanity. It is an unfair burden placed on some, insidious or obvious, but it persists.
If you have not lived as the Other in a society, try to take a moment to imagine what it is to walk around every day of your life "guilty." Inferior... a target... and for no offense. Any woman should be able to relate. What woman hasn't felt like a target walking down the street in a short skirt... or a mu-mu, for that matter? But being a feminist and wanting to be treated like a human being not a piece of meat doesn't make someone a man-hater, any more than being against racism makes someone anti-white people.
It occurred to me recently that affirmative action is as much about providing opportunity as it is about reprogramming - or deprogramming - racism. As you are forced to live and work alongside those you once thought different, the bullshit is overwritten with the humanity of the person at your side. The everyday human stories fill in the spaces where nonsense used to dwell. And in time, if they are allowed to, the young see the new reality that should be and not this tragic world in which we now dwell. Sometimes, the old can see it too...
We can only hope.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Adonis and Butterface
Toyota Service Center
8oz Complimentary Coffee (x2)
Gerber Fruit Squeezy
It's before noon - it's Friday - and I'm blogging. I feel weird. But my car is getting a long, long over-due servicing so it only makes sense to use this time to write. So... what shall my topic be today? I'm not sure. Let's just go for it.
I saw a picture of a half-naked fat chic online (there's a promising opening sentence) and it got me thinking. Mostly the accompanying text was about all the positive responses, though it acknowledged the god-awful body hate that also got dredged up. So let me throw down what I think about beauty and love and all that crap. This may be "date hair" part 2, in a way. I feel like all this should be a given, but sometimes it's important to see it written aloud. So here goes...
I wonder how far women could have gone in this last century if modern media - movies, magazines, television - hadn't been invented until after society had already embraced women's liberation. Would we still have the relentless body shaming being beaten into us from every direction? I wonder... But as it is, we have to work hard to do our own deprogramming.
So, first thing you need to accept: fat people are not Love's lepers. They can be beautiful, too. They can, in fact, be considered attractive - even by skinny people. And most importantly, they can be loved - by anyone.
This should not be shocking. No one should be going, "yeah, but..." Nope. Basically everything you've been told about beauty and love by movies and stories and fashionistas is nonsense. It's a bullshit mythology so expansive and so ingrained in our collective psyche that we are emotionally crippled for most of our lives. No matter how much we try to over-write the coding in our brains, we are still so drowning in the bullshit messaging that when we see a storyline that deviates - a love-interest 10 pounds over the Hollywood norm - our mind recoils and says that it's unrealistic. We can't believe that someone that looks like us could be found attractive to a Hollywood Heartthrob. Even though that is the reality that surrounds us everyday - somehow we can't see it.
Not to toot my own horn but I have stopped traffic (on more than one occasion) when I was still about 180 pounds. That's obese for my height. Not just overweight - obese. I reduced a guy to a slack-jawed, giggling idiot at 200 pounds. And I'm not attracting only equally overweight guys. One guy who asked me out looked like a goddamn Adonis. He was a sweet guy, too. But I turned him down. He was a subordinate. And I didn't have my Date Hair on. But, though he was hotter than any Hollywood hunk I can think of right now, he was still into rubenesque - obese - me.
The truth is beauty will turn a head. But that is not the whole story of attraction, and certainly not of love. And beauty is highly subjective to each person. There is an innate beauty to health - the genetic symmetry and the physical display that shows viability for child-bearing and child-rearing. When it comes to our fat stores, from a health standpoint, it's beneficial to have some extra in cases of emergency (sickness, food shortages, etc.), but there's a limit to the benefit. At some point, carrying around too much extra is going to put strain on systems throughout your body, though that point is a lot farther out than Hollywood would have you believe, and you can still maintain your fitness even carrying a lot extra.
But we're not just rutting animals. We're social animals. We're complicated. And we care about the mental health of our mates as well. Happy people are attractive, whatever else they look like. I've said before. I've never found someone with a genuine smile to be unattractive. And then there's that intangible - personality. Quirks, favorite bands, your civility while driving... they infuse attraction as well.
For me, parking your car an extra space farther away from your destination just so that the next person will have an easier time parallel parking - that's damn sexy.
I'm sure that I have a "type" that I could call that most attractive to me. I have a favorite color, after all, why not a favorite face or body-type? Well, for one thing, not everything in my life is the same color. My car is blue, my microwave is red, my favorite dress is green. In fact, I don't generally believe in having a favorite anything. It robs you of enjoyment of a multitude of things by fixating on one thing. I don't want to have a favorite song. I like all kinds of music and I would give you wildly different answers depending on the mood I'm in. So, too, with people. I have liked and loved all kinds of people. Short guys, tall guys, fat guys, small guys - and a plethora of Dr. Seuss combinations all around. And all of them have been attractive to me - beautiful - in their own way.
When it comes to appearance, people can control how they dress and how they groom themselves, they can control their fitness (though it doesn't always feel like it). But people cannot control their genetic make up. So someone's appearance seems to be the most ludicrous and inconsequential thing to compliment. And, yet, we do it. We're obsessed with it. And we still conflate the concept of beauty with someone's random genetic result. I put zero work into this face, these... huge tracts of land... But I have put considerable work into my mind. I've contemplated the shit out of the Universe... and religion and politics and economics and so much nonsense. That's where I dwell. And no grainy internet picture is going to capture that.
So, I cannot deny that a pretty face will turn your head. But a pretty face alone will not hold your heart's attention forever. Not really. And beauty is something much deeper and more complex than appearance, and, in truth, is unconstrained by something so random as numbers on a scale.
8oz Complimentary Coffee (x2)
Gerber Fruit Squeezy
It's before noon - it's Friday - and I'm blogging. I feel weird. But my car is getting a long, long over-due servicing so it only makes sense to use this time to write. So... what shall my topic be today? I'm not sure. Let's just go for it.
I saw a picture of a half-naked fat chic online (there's a promising opening sentence) and it got me thinking. Mostly the accompanying text was about all the positive responses, though it acknowledged the god-awful body hate that also got dredged up. So let me throw down what I think about beauty and love and all that crap. This may be "date hair" part 2, in a way. I feel like all this should be a given, but sometimes it's important to see it written aloud. So here goes...
I wonder how far women could have gone in this last century if modern media - movies, magazines, television - hadn't been invented until after society had already embraced women's liberation. Would we still have the relentless body shaming being beaten into us from every direction? I wonder... But as it is, we have to work hard to do our own deprogramming.
So, first thing you need to accept: fat people are not Love's lepers. They can be beautiful, too. They can, in fact, be considered attractive - even by skinny people. And most importantly, they can be loved - by anyone.
This should not be shocking. No one should be going, "yeah, but..." Nope. Basically everything you've been told about beauty and love by movies and stories and fashionistas is nonsense. It's a bullshit mythology so expansive and so ingrained in our collective psyche that we are emotionally crippled for most of our lives. No matter how much we try to over-write the coding in our brains, we are still so drowning in the bullshit messaging that when we see a storyline that deviates - a love-interest 10 pounds over the Hollywood norm - our mind recoils and says that it's unrealistic. We can't believe that someone that looks like us could be found attractive to a Hollywood Heartthrob. Even though that is the reality that surrounds us everyday - somehow we can't see it.
Not to toot my own horn but I have stopped traffic (on more than one occasion) when I was still about 180 pounds. That's obese for my height. Not just overweight - obese. I reduced a guy to a slack-jawed, giggling idiot at 200 pounds. And I'm not attracting only equally overweight guys. One guy who asked me out looked like a goddamn Adonis. He was a sweet guy, too. But I turned him down. He was a subordinate. And I didn't have my Date Hair on. But, though he was hotter than any Hollywood hunk I can think of right now, he was still into rubenesque - obese - me.
The truth is beauty will turn a head. But that is not the whole story of attraction, and certainly not of love. And beauty is highly subjective to each person. There is an innate beauty to health - the genetic symmetry and the physical display that shows viability for child-bearing and child-rearing. When it comes to our fat stores, from a health standpoint, it's beneficial to have some extra in cases of emergency (sickness, food shortages, etc.), but there's a limit to the benefit. At some point, carrying around too much extra is going to put strain on systems throughout your body, though that point is a lot farther out than Hollywood would have you believe, and you can still maintain your fitness even carrying a lot extra.
But we're not just rutting animals. We're social animals. We're complicated. And we care about the mental health of our mates as well. Happy people are attractive, whatever else they look like. I've said before. I've never found someone with a genuine smile to be unattractive. And then there's that intangible - personality. Quirks, favorite bands, your civility while driving... they infuse attraction as well.
For me, parking your car an extra space farther away from your destination just so that the next person will have an easier time parallel parking - that's damn sexy.
I'm sure that I have a "type" that I could call that most attractive to me. I have a favorite color, after all, why not a favorite face or body-type? Well, for one thing, not everything in my life is the same color. My car is blue, my microwave is red, my favorite dress is green. In fact, I don't generally believe in having a favorite anything. It robs you of enjoyment of a multitude of things by fixating on one thing. I don't want to have a favorite song. I like all kinds of music and I would give you wildly different answers depending on the mood I'm in. So, too, with people. I have liked and loved all kinds of people. Short guys, tall guys, fat guys, small guys - and a plethora of Dr. Seuss combinations all around. And all of them have been attractive to me - beautiful - in their own way.
When it comes to appearance, people can control how they dress and how they groom themselves, they can control their fitness (though it doesn't always feel like it). But people cannot control their genetic make up. So someone's appearance seems to be the most ludicrous and inconsequential thing to compliment. And, yet, we do it. We're obsessed with it. And we still conflate the concept of beauty with someone's random genetic result. I put zero work into this face, these... huge tracts of land... But I have put considerable work into my mind. I've contemplated the shit out of the Universe... and religion and politics and economics and so much nonsense. That's where I dwell. And no grainy internet picture is going to capture that.
So, I cannot deny that a pretty face will turn your head. But a pretty face alone will not hold your heart's attention forever. Not really. And beauty is something much deeper and more complex than appearance, and, in truth, is unconstrained by something so random as numbers on a scale.
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